Origami Mommy

Six months

Six months have passed since I gave birth for the fourth - and last - time. It feels like she's always been here, a part of our family. Life is no different with her here, just richer, and sweeter.

A lot of my life has come to a standstill, with a baby around.  But it feels different this time, somehow. Before, I was so eager to see what would happen in the next stage, to get on with things, and to have more of my own life back. Now, I just want time to stand still. This is my life. 

Sometimes I chafe at the restrictions that a baby puts on you - on my writing and crafting especially. And oh, the things I want to bake, but can't! No time. And all the care I want to give to others around me, to friends and extended family and community, and to myself too as I age (it's interesting having a baby when you are also entering your forties.). So much has to be put on the back burner.

But mostly, I just know, from hard-won experience, that time will pass, and she will grow. In a year my life will feel so very different, and there will be no more babies of my own, ever again. I can surrender, for now, or at least try to, to the sheer pleasure of holding a small, soft, pliable baby all the time, of having her gaze at me in delight like I am the sun and moon, of watching brothers and sister have fun experiencing a baby in the house, getting excited about all her small accomplishments, making her giggle, caring for her.  From the very moment of her birth I've tried to surrender to this and savor even the tiniest things when I can.

It's an effort to remain mindful and present, but a baby's constant needs guide us in that practice every day, and hopefully what I learn can transfer over to parenting my older ones too. Having a baby around reminds me of what they were like, too, as babies. I am reminded every day that they were once this small (and perhaps her presence helps them, too, remember deep down that they were once this small, and just as cherished from the start). 

Whether you have one child, or several, how did you feel when you had your last baby? How did it feel to watch him or her growing up?

Our Heroines

 A sweet little nuthatch we saw in our yard. A few minutes later we heard its mama chirping high in the sky, and then witnessed their joyful reunion.

I'm participating in a meme I saw at SheWrites. The topic was near and dear to my heart. It simply asked, "Who are the women who inspire you?" It's something I've been thinking a lot about lately so this was very timely. 

I already posted about my grandmother, who raised five daughters and one son with remarkable poise. One of the daughters she raised, my mother, was very similar to her and was the inspiration behind my starting this blog - I wanted to remember and to transmit the kind of simple, joyful childhood she helped create.

I also have a friend, Marie, who is battling illness with amazing serenity and joy. Whenever I spend time with her I come away feeling a renewed determination to live life with gratitude and with generosity. I fall short of that ideal too much of the time but love having a friend nearby who embodies it. She's wonderful.

My friend Laura has been my friend and champion for well over twenty years now. From the moment we first met in a history class in college, I knew her to be a kindred spirit. She's a devoted mother, an amazing crafter who knitted for me until I finally learned how to knit, and she's also a great children's librarian.

Jennifer Margulis is a really inspiring writer and one of the most generous people I know. I love talking with her and reading about her take on life, writing, and all else - I relate to her a lot and only wish we had more time for good conversations! (We both have four children - and our babies are the same age. Life is hectic; good conversations will have to wait).

My friends Melinda Rothstein and Rachel Milgroom founded what I think is one of the most awesome nonprofits out there - DiaperFreeBaby :-)  Thanks to their efforts, the idea of elimination communication (gentle infant pottying) has come such a long way - from being a fringe idea to becoming a simple option to full-time diapering.  It's so neat to see what two mothers can accomplish when they want to.

And Alexandra Grabbe is a grandmother and activist and fellow blogger - her writing is always a good reminder to me that we all care for the earth, together. Read her sweet post on growing older, too.

My heroines are women who have a desire and drive to make the world a better place in some way and touch the people around them. There are so, so many other inspiring women around me too - I feel grateful for their presence, always! 

Who are the women who have had a positive impact on your own life?

A field of violets

I love violets and so, apparently, did my grandmother. She passed away a few weeks ago. She'd been ailing for many years, and so in a lot of ways it was a release for her, but still sad nonetheless. At her memorial service, her children spoke of her love of small things: her fanciful sketches, her beautiful handwriting, the lovely clothes she made for all of her children out of pretty poplin and precious yarns, the delicious bento lunches she made for them to take to school, her endless patience with and attention to each child (she had six!) as she raised them during the Korean War and the chaotic years afterwards, and the way she loved to get out her favorite china when guests came - delicate dishes decorated with violets, her favorite flower. 

Violets are everywhere now so it feels as though she is still with us; it is sweet to see them and remember her. It inspires me that she focused on the small details of home and life and children with such care. It's the way I long to live life too, even though I know I fall short of this ideal so much of the time, and the way she lived life, in a different era, would be an impossibility for me. Not all of that life would even be desirable for me. But the image of her quiet, patient love and creativity stays with me and is an ideal I strive for as best as I can.

Who inspires you to live your best life?

Spring!

Everything is in bloom - each day we see changes - even the air smells different, fragrant and gorgeous. And one thing about having babies born in the fall is that they all begin to unfold and bloom in the spring, just like all the beautiful plants and trees and flowers out there. My babies all began to sit up, grab, gurgle and giggle during their first spring. 

 

 

and sometimes, sneeze too. Are babies too young for hay fever?

 

 

We're taking long walks, digging in the dirt, growing wheatgrass, making May Day crowns, eating outdoors, and playing football. What are you all doing to welcome spring?